Yesterday was our some-what annual memorial day barbeque/family reunion(my uncle usually throws one and everyone in the family expects one even if he doesn’t tell us til the day before whether he is or not). Anyways, I’m always excited about seeing all my cousins and hearing about their lives, especially since they’re all older than me. This time though, I felt like I was in my own little world. Only half of them came and well, it was awkward for me just because most of them were tuned into their own little conversations. At the end of dinner, I felt better since everyone, including the uncles and aunts, sat around talking about the past and future. I didn’t exactly understand everything since most of it was in canto, but i knew most of it. I felt blue listening to all the things that happened in the past even though I smiled and laughed most of the time. When it came to the future, I kept my mind occupied long enough to prevent myself from over thinking. The night ended with a home movie my cousin and her husband had brought that really knocked me back into my void. Most people laughed and smiled as they watched. I tried to do the same, but it was hard concealing how far my thoughts had flew. Here’s to hoping that this week flies by, otherwise I maybe a zombie by Friday.
Well it’s 7 in the morning and I’m up and blogging again, not because I’m bored, but because it just felt right. I find it strange that I have this urge to blog while laying in bed though. Anyways, I some how started thinking back to senior year and how sad it was to say goodbye to everyone as we all went our separate ways. I thought about the few times that I actually reached out to someone asking them how they were or how they were enjoying life in these last two years. Then I thought of all the friends that made me who I am today and even though I’m not really close to anyone, which is a bad thing in my case, I would always want them in my life.
I experienced a total meltdown last night. Instead of going to bed at 10:30, which would have prevented anything from happening, I went to bed at midnight. Unable to fall asleep due to my puffy red eyes, which is a story that won’t be told, my thoughts began racing through my mind making it even harder to fall asleep. One of the biggest days of my cousin’s life is coming up in a little more than a month and I’m happy that he’s making another giant leap into the next chapter in his life, but this question just keeps lingering in my head. I can’t even answer this question to save my life, even though most people would be able to. It isn’t even one of the biggest things to ask when you think about the event. Anyways, this circulated through my brain for a good half hour to an hour as I looked through all my old Facebook messages. In one of the messages, I stumbled upon a blog of someone who has been in my life for a long time. This wasn’t the first time i’d seen this blog, but its been years since I’ve seen it and it caught me off guard to find it. Although, I’ve known this person pratically my whole life, I never truly knew or understood who they were. This blog opened up so many doors and saw a side of this person I had never seen before. I’ve been super close to this person due to our differences, but after gaining some insight into this persons life, I can see how similar we really are and how broken they must be to be writing what they have written. Thankfully this blog threw me into another world, far away from my own, allowing me to finally fall asleep around 4.